at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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