i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize