Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
