capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
