I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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