So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
