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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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