Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
