I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
