I will die if light touches me.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
