just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
