god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
