i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
