In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
