Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
