Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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