Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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