On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
