Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
