I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
