Apparently you make a good broom.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
