I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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