I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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