I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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