That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
