Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize