It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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