I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
