I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
