my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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