if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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