Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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