The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
