Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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