I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
