i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
