Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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