She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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