I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
