I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.