i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
