you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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