I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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