No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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