i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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