I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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