I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
