Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
