Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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