Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
