im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
