Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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