Im at strip club and am horny
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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