Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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