I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
