sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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