Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
