Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
