So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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