1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
