CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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