the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
