South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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