We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
