I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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