I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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