Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
