it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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