All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
