Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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