i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
